Day 2

So I got on the treadmill last night and let me tell you, I am worse off than I thought.  The used treadmill I bought doesn't have an incline adjustment and its naturally set to its own incline.  Wow did that make a difference in how long I lasted. Usually I can walk for quite some time (without any incline) but I only made it 10 minutes and my calfs were screaming! It is going to take some time to adjust to the incline thing.  But I will do it. I even jogged a bit at the end of my 10 minute walk. Honestly the incline was much less noticeable during the jogging part.

For the most part I think I did very well with my food intake yesterday. I didn't keep track of points (which I don't plan on doing), but I ate healthy foods in the correct portions and I didn't snack much.  I am also very proud to say that I stayed active yesterday.  I wasn't running marathons but I kept very busy around the house doing chores/projects and spent very little time sitting.  To be honest, on a normal basis, I spend a very large majority of my day sitting on my butt. 

I have a chicken in the crockpot for dinner tonight that I will serve with a small side of Parmesan Mashed Potatoes.  By the way, the Shrimp Po'Boys went over pretty well last night.  The coconut green beans were so-so. Not worth the extra effort but they weren't horrible.

The Plan

I need to monitor my activity and how much I am eating.  I am super excited to say that I have gotten a cheap used treadmill. I would really like to become one of those people who likes to run.  My goal is to become a more capable runner. I have NEVER been able to stand running. Even when I was a thin little girl. I need to work on building up my body's stamina.  I have decided that every night I will walk/run on the treadmill while watching a Biggest Loser episode on Netflix.  This way I do not get bored with walking, will get at least 40 minutes of exercise a day and hopefully cultivate some motivation :)

I also ordered this BodyMedia Fit thing from Amazon. It's like the Body Bugg they use on Biggest Loser but it is cheaper! It will cost me a monthly website fee of $7 but I think it will be worth it. It will keep track of my calories burned in a day, my sleep patterns and the like. Hopefully it to will motivate me to get my butt moving. Sad thing is its not going to be here forever! They haven't even shipped it yet.

As for my meals, I plan on following Weight Watchers to monitor my food intake. I know from experience that the Points Plus Plan really does work. On top of that, WW recipes are the only Light and Healthy recipes that I have come across to date that don't taste like a$$. 

I'm not entirely sure which day should be my weigh in today. I weighed in today (Sunday) at 254.8 lbs (*cry*).  I have my reservations about weighing in on a Sunday. My intention was to weigh in yesterday, but I forgot :(

This morning I had a WW Ham and Cheese Omelet and WW Apple Cinnamon Pancakes. Usually I will just have one or the other, but I didn't get a chance to make yesterdays brunch. Good thing I made both or my family may have boycotted. The way it was they felt that there wasn't enough food.  By the way, both dishes were very good.

Tonight I am going to make WW Shrimp Po'Boys and Coconut Green Beans. I have my reservations about the Green Beans (as does my husband who hinted that regular green beans were perfectly fine), but I am trying to branch out and try new things.  If we don't like it, we will never make it again. No worries.

My plan in to try post to my Blog each day. At the very least I will post on Weigh In days. 

Me

I have been putting some thought into this.  I have tried diets and what not many, many, many times.  The longest I have ever stuck with one is 6 weeks. At that time I lost 20 lbs, but of course have gained it back.  Now I can't stick to a diet for more than a week, if I even make if that long. I have come to realize that I believe the reason for this is due to two factors.  First, I am an immediate gratification kind of person. I have not learned to prolong or delay things. When I want something, I want it NOW, or maybe 5minutes from now.  I have gained so much weight that I could lose 20 lbs and I would not be able to feel a difference in the way my clothes fit. I would not see a difference in the mirror. And you can sure as heck bet that no one is going to say, "wow, have you lost weight?".  Those are the kinds of things I need to remind me that what I am doing is making a difference.  Instead I will have to stick this diet out for at least 3 months before I am rewarded by these things.  That makes it very hard.  Second, no one (at least no one I care about) cares about my weight but me.  My husband has an insane libido. I could be 400 lbs and I think he would still want me.  (Really this is a good thing or I would be adding Marriage troubles to my list of troubles).  So when I screw up, I feel like I am only letting myself down. I don't have any one else to be responsible to.

I have realized that I need to change my mindset in many ways. One thing I need to remind myself that this is not a diet. It is a lifestyle change. It is not as if I am going to lose all the weight and be able to go back to being a lazy junk food eater.  I know that is how I got this way.  Maybe, if I can truly see eating right and being more active as a part of a change in lifestyle and less as a chore that has a beginning and an end, it will help relieve some of that instant gratification issues.

I know in my heart that I gained this weight because I ate more than I burned. I also know from previous experience that when I burn more than I eat, I lose weight successfully.  Now..........  I just need to do it. AND KEEP DOING IT!

What I Am Looking For

I have a wonderful life.  Really.  I am married to my Best Friend. He loves me despite my flaws and understands me in a way that no one else in the world ever has.  Not only does he understand me, but he accepts me completely.  I have 3 beautiful healthy children, though I will not lie, they are not angels, lol.  We bought our first real house this summer. Nothing extravagant, but solid and cozy..... and cheap. Did I mention cheap?  I still have some career stuff to figure out, for example; Do I even want one? But really, all in all, I can't complain. Life is Great!

There is this one thing that I can't stop thinking about. This one thing that my mind cannot stop obsessing over. It can ruin my entire day in the blink of an eye. It interferes with so much of my day to day living in ways that you couldn't imagine. 

It's me.  It's my body. My weight. My fatness. 

When I was a teenager I was so thin. I still was paranoid about my body but I was confident enough to show it off some days. When I met my husband I was a little heavier, but not much. Since meeting my husband 9 years ago, I have gained 115 lbs.

I can't put my shoes on without great effort. I can't chase my children. I can't have sex with my husband without focusing almost 100% on the negatives of my body. 

This is what I need to change.

This is what I need to focus all my energy on.

This will be my journey.